wo xian zai hen sad.

wo xian zai zhen de hen sad.

seriously, i myself also dont understand why i like to do things against you. its like whatever you say, im always doing the opposite way. i really dont understand why! like, when i can reach home early, i will ring my friend see anyone wanna supper. i rather be home late. please dont ask me why. its really not because i dont love this family.

its just that, whenever im home, you all like to give me shits. i thought home is suppose to be a place in the heart whereby im stress-free and carefree? its no longer like so you know? every time im home, i feel pressure, i feel like as though im tied up. i cannot breathe.

& this is so xin ku.

sometimes somethings are really hard to put it in words. brought up in a tradition way because you're a tradition man. rules, you ought to obey. you dont have or should i say you cant have your own speech. yes, we can speak up but for sure it will bounce back. then whats the point?

i delay studying cause you just recover from your opt. financially tight up now i know. but what are you saying? i give up studying? no hell no. i just dont wan you to be so xin ku. after opt, only left mummy to work. so many things to pay up. i work and support myself to lessen your burden, is that wrong? am i in the wrong to think this way?

all the things you said, i know you're angry. i know i shouldnt always only reach home in the wee hours. i know all this! i know all the rules but i really cannot explain why i always act the opposite way. sorry pa, ma. im not a good girl. i know you feel heartache and disappointment. i know you're worry as well. but the rules you line out for me its really quite hard to accomdate. but can i tell you this? :(

sorry pa, ma. the miao miao now is still the miao miao. im rebelious, got idiotic attitude and temper but my heart is still the same old me. do you even see it? what have cause the change. the drastic change.

stress level to the max.
shit things always happens one after another, for sure there are more to come.
sorry pa, but wo zhen de bu dong how to mian dui you.